A Conversation About Body Image

I grew up in Brazil during the 90’s and at that time if you turned on national TV or picked up a magazine, chances are you would see women with big boobs, tiny waists, thick thighs and big round butts in very tiny and tight clothes (if not bikinis). I happened to have really skinny legs, a small butt and a childish tummy that would stick out beyond my flat chest, but as a kid I hoped that when I grew up my body would look like theirs.

Before I even got my period I started to check myself out in the mirror anxiously waiting for my boobs to grow, my stomach to flatten and my legs to thicken. My best friend at the time lived in my building and I remember we would both do sit-up challenges, wear leggings under our jeans and buy padded bras - while we prayed to get our periods so we could “fill out” soon. We would also fry ourselves in the sun with tanning oil because the hot girls we watched on tv were tan and since I’m extremely pale the outcome was me looking like a tomato for 3 days and then returning to my pale skin - with a few more shoulder freckles.

Fast forward to puberty and - surprise surprise - not much changed. I remember my father took me to the doctor because he was concerned I had tape worm since I ate a lot and wouldn’t gain weight. A few years later I started taking birth control and that’s around the time I started to fill out a bit, but nevertheless I the weight never went to the places I wished and was convinced I would get a boob job as soon as I turned 18.

Around that time I started to prepare for college applications and became increasingly exposed to fashion and the internet. That’s when the “heroin chic” was THE look. The current industry muses where Kate Moss, Freja Beha and other extremely thin models who sported the “cool girl” androgynous look (skinny, low cut tank tops, leather jackets, ankle boots and of course - exposed hip bones, portruding clavicles, thin arms, thigh gaps… you get the picture). Somewhere in between my anxiety of growing up and my perfectionism of wanting to get into the best college so I could make it big in fashion, I found myself develop an eating disorder. Now when I think back on those times, obsessing over my body was just an attempt to control, conform and fit into (literally) whatever the female depiction of beauty was at the time.

I bring this delicate topic to light through my personal experience - openly and vulnerably - because throughout the past decade working in fashion and styling women from different cultures and ages, I’ve understood just how common body dysmorphia, eating disorders and cosmetic surgeries are as a result of unrealistic and generalized beauty ideals. We often times struggle with these issues and obsessions privately, when in fact we are experiencing it collectively- culturally & socially.

I decided to open the conversation about body image & cultural influences with the girls in my team and understood we shared many common influences and insecurities while growing up. Read their personal experiences and body type trends below:

Body Representation in Fashion Through the Decades

1990’s

Models like Kate Moss became idolized for their ultra thin figures and often times a lifestyle of sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll, which became widely known as "heroin chic".

2000’s

Breast implants and plastic surgery gain popularity. This decade still glorified the ultra thin body type, however it was expected for women to have "the right" curves, a flat stomach and tan skin - the bombshell look.

2010’s

The first half of the decade begins with the Kardashians gaining worldwide popularity and influence with their trademark curves and a heavy hand on cosmetic procedures. Plastic surgery, photoshop and filters become more popular and accessible than ever. On the second half, social media becomes a tool for the public to portray different body types in a ‘fashionable' manner and create pressure on brands to represent diversity - not only regarding size, but also race, gender and age.

2020’s

The 2020’s are marked by extremes, and that translates into multiple areas of our lives - from politics to fashion. What we see now is a far more conscious and diverse representation of expression in the fashion industry, and the rise of unfiltered and "raw" content in social media. While people use social media as a space to curate and showcase their image + lifestyle, there is a clear correlation between social media addiction + mental health issues. Perfectionism, consumerism and exhibitionism are at an all time high.

AK Team and Body Image

“As I get older I find it really sad to realize how my body image and self-worth was shaped throughout my life. I recall being bullied at school about my nose or ‘unibrow’, relatives commenting on how I was starting to have cellulite, boyfriends comparing my body to "skinnier girls", remarks about my dark body hair... all these memories are ingrained in my mind until today. Being drawn to fashion from a young age, it was hard not to strive for a skinny body. America’s Next Top Model and Tumblr’s obsession with thigh gaps really played a part in that. As I tend to carry weight on my hips and thighs, I felt confined in skinny jeans, and for a while it was almost impossible to find alternatives if you wanted to feel ‘fashionable’. I struggled between wanting to dress a certain way and feeling insecure about how my body looked in skinny fits. I remember taking pictures in bikinis and going on diets in hopes that I could do a before and after that I could be ‘proud’ of - bear in mind, I was only 16. In my early 20’s I found out I had a hormonal imbalance and that I had to take care of myself and my body through a more holistic approach - I had to prioritize my health and well being. It’s a daily exercise to listen to my body and care for it, and as oversized fashion gained space I felt free to play with proportions that made me feel confident in my own skin. Still, on bad days, it scares me how dysphoric my self-image can be. Overall, my relationship with my body has been one of fear, and I’m trying to shift to a relationship of love & care. As I see a comeback in trends that tend to glorify a slim figure (ultra low waisted bottoms and bare middrifs), my only hope is that we can welcome them with a new approach; one in which people of all shapes and sizes won’t feel constricted chasing a certain look, but rather being free to explore them whether they want it or not - independent of their body type.”

— Melissa, 28, Brazilian, Communications & Marketing

“I remember when I was a teen in the 2000's, most of the movies main characters were all really tall, blonde and skinny. In Brazilian magazines the girls were skinny too, but they had big boobs and a peachy butt. Well, I'm Japanese descendant and never had that ‘hot girl’ body stereotype - and I'm short. Amongst my school group, I was the shortest and the boys used to call me ‘plank’. I remember telling my mom that when I grow up, I would like to get breast implants, a nose job and dye my hair. I really hated my body for a long time and surely I still don't love it (yet) - but I'm working on it. I wanted to change almost everything about my looks because I didn't fit the really skinny and hot girls group. The years passed by and I developed eating disorders... I didn't buy tighter clothes because I felt they were not made for me, so I always went for the loose ones that wouldn't show my body. I've always hated cropped shirts because I would never ever go out with my tummy exposed. I think fashion and culture in general directly reflects and affects our relationship with ourselves. Many of my insecurities were just a response to how the media presented those fashion garments to the world. Who was wearing it? Could I wear it too? Why was I always outside the norm and never represented?”

— Tate, 28, Brazilian, Social Media

“Low rise jeans are a symbol of body hate and punishment for me. I remember at one point it seemed like the only style available, and you had no choice but to own a pair. Having a bigger body means low rise jeans hurt and leave marks on my body, and I had to cover them up with an oversized top. So at first, I was super triggered by low rise jeans and all the 90’s fashion coming back. It made me remember how as a teen all I wanted was to dress like Britney Spears and be able to pull of a cropped top, but I considered myself too fat for such clothes so I spent my days being jealous of all my skinny friends and starving myself, or bing eating. I would say the culture I grew up in was extremely toxic for my self-image and self-confidence as a woman. Now in my mid 30's I dress intuitively most of the time. I don’t really think of fashion and style so much anymore...I've noticed color makes me happier so I gravitate towards it. I easily mix prints, colors and styles, and I don’t overthink too much (unless I’m in a bad mood). I realized at some point I will never be perfect, and that freed me to choose clothing with my heart and not my brain”

— Irina, 37, Russian, Right Hand

“A couple of years ago I found myself completely lost in my own personality. I did not know what I liked to watch, listen, talk, read, eat or do. The way I've found to (re)discover and understand myself while connecting to my body - is through fashion. It's fairly recent that I've started to consciously experiment with styles, shapes, silhouette and colors, and to be honest, I'm still testing and trying to find my voice. I've realized clothes allow me to understand my feelings and to express myself.”

— Bel, 23, Brazilian, Assistant

Hopefully by sharing our experiences we can built a better relationship with our bodies and consume the content we are exposed to everyday in a more conscious manner.

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